What Wouldn’t Jesus Do? (A personal response to: A Philosophy of Pain, Suffering, & Humiliation).

Be it far from me to truly, and fully know Jesus’s teachings faithfully.  I would like to speculate for a moment, for those amongst us that would often ask, “What would Jesus do” when given a life challenge, or situation that seems difficult.

Well, let’s look at this perspective from a “negative space” angle (borrowing a term/concept from Artistic pursuits for a moment).

From what little I honestly know of his creed, I will state, that I could possibly infer several factors that Jesus would likely adhere to (if you’re willing to suspend my lack of formal credentials as a imposition to belief).  Let us say from an obvious example that Jesus would distrust betrayal from those deemed friends.  Unless he learned/realized that such infliction of hardship is within a “master-plan” from a Holy Father/Mother (Whatever terminology one would use for a “Holy Lord” *(Lord being in this case non-gendered, as touchy as it is nowadays)).

Should a betrayal as Judas Isacroit(?) wrought be forgiven?  It is not my place to say, only Jesus and God would know the full, and proper response to that.  Be that as it may, I’d like to think that Jesus would offer a chance of redemption (Christian core belief).

I don’t think he’d voluntarily submit to needless suffering, suffice to say, because that is legitimately stupid, and pointless.

There’s a highly good chance he’d love everyone he could in whatever little way that he could do so to brighten their day, at that junction in time, so there’s that.

There’s also a strong chance that he may be lenient towards deviancy because well, honestly he was one of a lineage of deviants *(Moses fled from Egypt…deviant inference made).

There may also be a chance, really off hand, that he may attempt to make reparations to those that were previously unjustly wronged, and encourage a strong sense of Justice.  The Christian God is reknown for that.  A sense of mutable Justice.  Meaning Justice is an evolving thing, we are growing from our lessons in Life, and through God’s education.

*(Note that’s a really strong reason to believe in Christianity, for The God, is understanding, and will enact what is necessary to create a sense of Justice….including, but not always limited to his own son’s Sacrifice).

As far as I can tell, Christianity is a Growing, and Living Faith which is highly admirable.

At this point I must disclose that I feel more inline with a reformed Baltic Faith of some form (thus I may be a “Neo-Pagan” in some way, but I’m still searching…as far as that True Faith goes).  The reasoning being that I may, or may not believe in a “Family History” of “Religious Persecution” (Look up the Baltic Crusades).  Although, I’ll gladly admit that every day my Faith grows, but I don’t know in what way.  Thus I’ll firmly state I’m a devout Humanist, of a Christian Origin.

Note: Humanism is a Philosophy, Christianity is a Religion.  Things change daily for us all, and I’m devising my own “philosophy” as far as I can make sense of “my world” on a daily basis.  I like to consider my “personal taste of life” to be in line with a made up term called “Zen Stoicism”, for I find myself drawing upon inspiration from around the World.

1st Ethos;  It Happened, Deal With It.  2nd Ethos; A Disciplined Mind is a Happy Mind.  3rd Ethos; Change Happens, Accept It.

From here on, it’s all “fun n’ games” of some sort.  Unless something “Changes”…, so there’s that.


KEO Time Capsule Submission

It is erroneous to think that fallacy is solely Humanitys domain. Everything errs to some extent, and so everything longs for a place in which their errors can be forgiven. This is not so, for how can one learn if they are not allowed to err?

To err? To be in the wrong? To have no idea, or a clue as to who or what one is supposed to be or do? That is one instance in what it means to be human. To know existential despair, and not know how to confront it. Only to realize that through the errors that one has committed that one has become more human. That one, by suffering errors, is granted that noble status as equals amongst all of humanity. For we all err, and reside in fallacy to some extent.

To realize that ideals, no matter how impressive, are still ideals, and as such shall be related to the realm of the divine. Ideals are meant to be endeavored for, and not lived with alone. The substance of ideals are not of this world, and such foster an ill will towards oneself and others when held too deeply.

To be alone in the darkness of the soul, to be in total isolation from one’s peers, and realize that illumination comes from within is another instance of what it means to be human. As of this time of writing, Humanity has spent most of its time isolated from others through the vastness of space, and this isolation has shaped the human character.

Wars, crusades, and ignorance has shaped our behavior towards each other throughout our past, and so has peace, charity, and awareness. To be human is to realize that as a species we’ve run the spectra of behavior. Some of it good, and some of it bad. All of it, Human.

The true answer to life is not what to live or how to live, but to simply live. Let life be one’s canvas, and illustrate it to the best of one’s abilities. Heeding only the cautions of others when one has begun to err too far, and then take stock of what is implied. Others often serve as a mirror to what lies within oneself. To see the evil in others is to see the evil in oneself, and to see the good in another is to see the good in oneself.

To find the path through life is human, to reach for the stars is human, to cry, to laugh, to curse, to bless, to atone, to sing, to speak, to think, to do nothing, and to finally die. All that and more is what it means to be Human.

Finally, to grasp the unknown, and to bring it closer to oneself. To find the truth, and realize that it was always at hand. To finally find out that to err is to be Human, and that one only learns through error.

We have learned….

Composed January 31, 2014

By RJP1989,12,22

Concepts of Humanity (Pt. 1).

I stand upon the precipice of the needle’s edge, and gaze longingly into the abyss that stares back upon me. “What does reality mean to me?”, I ask myself, and Nothing replies. What else does one expect to hear alongside the void? Nothing, and that is which it has answered, “You are merely nothing, neither flesh nor spirit will be able to withstand eternity’s embrace, and yet you struggle?” “Yes”, I reply, “for I recognize that I have arose from nothing other than the base, and with that realization I shall always strive against you, Nothing.”-Concepts of Humanity?

…So like the ensnared animal that gnaws away its own paw does Humanity consume itself. With its doctrines of faith, and high reason twisting upon it’s being. Perverting senses of unity within the nations of humankind. Only to come twisting about that no matter what ideology held, we are all the same. We live, we eat, we die, but oh is there so much more from our point of view. Leveling notions against each other consisting of perceived differences, and yet the mirror image is that of ourselves flailing against time…. -Concepts of Humanity? Para. II.

…Time? Is that what we fear, or is it death? Ruin, defamation, incompetence, to name a few more aspects to that specter, but what is it that provokes such a response? Why nothing other than the perceptions of our peers, and what our interpretations of those perceptions are. Keeping up with the times, and yet loosing track of oneself in the process. Pursuing those ambitions, and those dreams through any means. Cutting out the competition and rising above the rest to clamber for awhile on top of that most noble of hills. Claiming kingship over the rest through a specialty that makes one unique only to be dethroned by the next in line. Abdicate I say, and pass on the crown so the next can do the same. Realize that legacies, domains, and prizes are made of dust for the constructs of clay that we are. And yet is all vanity? That’s what certain religions would have one believe, and the same for certain schools of thought. If so what is the mean? What sets one upon the path of uniqueness? Is it glory, is it excellence, or is it life? Life, the realization that it was a long shot probability, and yet here we are. You and I, Nothing and the Dust of Nothing….-Concepts of Humanity? Para. III.

…And yet I can’t help but feel complacent in the face of my demise which is whenever Death so desires to lay stake to its claim. Do I despair? No. Am I grateful? Maybe. Do I tarry? Yes, for each day that I endure, and derive pleasure from, has been a victorious struggle against Time. To withstand the inevitable, even if momentarily, is another step forward, and we must keep moving forwards. It is the only way to go, but do realize that forward is conditional. It is entirely based upon an internal reference frame. I may have moved backwards, but in spirit I have moved forwards. It is the only way to go, so what am I? Am I Nothing? No, for I refuse to abase myself with the title, and instead proudly declare that I am the Dust of Nothing. Nothing is special, for from nothing is everything brought forth. Reality into the void, thoughts into being, and yet I’m here. Brought into life through chemical interactions which in turn was brought into being by Natural Laws, but what beget the Laws? The explosion of life from Nothing? It sounds preposterous, but yet it’s a doctrine until the next one takes place….-Concepts of Humanity? Para. IV.

…Do I proclaim to know what is next? No, and should I? No, for what honor lies in the title of being a hero or a prophet when it has come to mean so much? All I know is that I’ve staked my claims with Nothing, and Nothing shall be my reward. Does this concern me, and does it concern you? Probably, for should we march blindly into Nothing? The beautiful oblivion of Eternity, and the Nothing in which it resides? No, for everything is finite, and Nothing is Eternal. Everything has meaning whether it passes muster or not. This my friends is what I aspire to, to find meaning in even the remotest corners, and the most oblique knowledge possible. I do so to grant it meaning, and in turn to receive meaning. For the Eternal question is what does it Mean?-Concepts of Humanity? Para. V.

Alt-Right, Alt-Left?

Now, does either side know what they actually mean when they claim those stances/titles.  I sure as hell don’t.  I’m straight-forward if you catch the drift.

Fowards, in reverse, and all that jazz.  Let the pizzazz play, and listen to rock, don’t let the beat drop, and chew gum, and kick ass.  Leave it to those in the know, to know, and there’ll we’ll go.  Leave it to the rhythm, and time to create the rimes.  Frozen chills course along all spines, and deathly ills writ our wills.  Until we break the chains that bind, and uncourse our fills.  Listen to Reason, for it’s not treason.  Listen to the spirit of the moment, and let it flow.


Hate ‘Em, and Discriminate ‘Em

Well, it seems I’ve been wading into the current cultural conflict, and having unofficially joined the “wrong side” of this escapade.  I must make my position known, and at least semi-defendable from the point of view that I find myself entertaining.

Is it okay to “Hate”?  To some extent, I would say yes.  Is it okay to “Discriminate”, again to an extent, yes.  Carrying on, and attempting to justify just these two claims, for myself.  I will say, and start with a simple question to those who read, and disagree with those two claims.

What about those two phrases are you hating against, and discriminating against?  You hate the word “Hate”, and the connotations that may be inferred from it.  You dislike the word “Discriminate”, and all the contexts it may be used in.

Is this rational?  Not really from my perspective.  Mainly because if one is aiming for any goal in Life, whether it be as mundane as a morning breakfast, or as important as where you want to live.  Who you’d want to marry, and so forth.  You are actively, or subconsciously; “Hating, and Discriminating”.   You don’t feel like toast this morning, well disliking something is a slippery slope to hate, is it not?  It’s discrimination against the TOAST!  How can you not want Toast on a Daily Basis!  It’s Blasphemy!   Heretic…

Where things get tricky, in my opinion, is the level of zeal, and the threshold of extremism that resides within those two qualifiers of; “Hate”, and “Discrimination”.  If, for example, you absolutely loathe toast, and wish all bread would burn in Hell (oddly making toast).  People are going to see you as insane, and a little, if not outright kooky.

Thus we arrive at the age old idea of,… wait for it, …. moderation.  You can moderate your hate, and you can moderate your discrimination.  In fact, I highly recommend it!  Keep a nice little flame of hate going in you belly towards some absurd, if not useless target.  I personally despise Beets, and that is because I was on some level force fed them as a child.  I have no problem discriminating against beets, but here now!  We’re talking about food, not people.

IS that really a major factor?  To some, maybe, to others who follow the line of reasoning in odd, and interesting ways.  It’s not.  You pick, and choose daily.  Simple fact of Life.  We can’t all have the same outcome.  We can’t all date the same person (whomever that may be).  We have to choose, and that is a fact.

I choose to “Hate” and “Discriminate”, simply because it is an acknowledgement that I have to do so.  Mainly in order to have a Life I wish to Live, and a Life I will thoroughly enjoy.  If any of you have had a childhood, you too will know what it was like having choices made for you.  And that is why, I find myself turning towards the “Alt-Right”.

(Note:  I used to consider myself in the “Anarchist Camp” until I realized that too is just a state leading to Order, and Organization.  That was during college when I was still forming/developing my personal Life edifice, and I still am).

Truth, Lies, Masks, and Deceit

We all lie.  Truth.  The issue is can we honestly verify a marketable difference between the two states?  From my introductory college psychology textbook there was a brief remark that one shouldn’t trust any, or all self-reporting data.  Simply because of the implicit desire to lie about oneself to maintain a ego, and ones own self esteem.

Perhaps true, but I personally think at some level, maybe the more maturity one develops.  One begins to realize, and accept the atrocious behavior that one may so easily enact.  Case in point; It was recently implied that I sound like a “Rapist”, and thus am likely to be a “Rapist”.  This was coming from a friend that I had known for approximately five years.  Five years in which I had never made any “rapist” inclinations, but being that I am a male that doesn’t apparently speak the approved dialect/vocabulary.  I am now considered a “would be rapist” by her.  Being that I have no desire to associate with said context, the friendship is now over.

The reason this is being brought up is the notion that we so readily enact a mask that others may find appreciable, or we hide our true thoughts of each other behind said mask.  I had no clue that she had been raped prior, and that I was being continuously judged for “rapey” tendencies.  Personally, I don’t need the paranoia that would stem from a continued friendship with said person.

Mainly because I’ve been so far into madness that I’ve gone paranoid to the part where I was afraid to breath, for fear that I was inhaling toxic fumes.  Even when I was in broad daylight, in a natural environment while this fear may be true in a smog ridden city.  It wasn’t in the context I was in at that time.

Tying back into the main premise, my concept of identity seems so shaky sometimes that I’m not sure which mask to believe.  I can readily acknowledge/admit that all the worlds human institutions are constructs that only operate based upon a mutual/shared belief.

The military, banking, industry,…etc they all require a mutual suspension of disbelief that the idea we are working on actually matters.  The lauded dollar, only has value because we belief it has value.  It’s value could be tied to a “value/life” of every soldier sacrificed to maintain such belief (ie, $1 is 1 soldier’s life), and would anyone really care?  It’s not tied to anything concrete, and it doesn’t need to be so to have value.  No Gold Standard, or “Oil Standard”…it’s all made up.

The same way our identities are made up, if I wish to be recognized as a veteran.  I would have to enlist, and serve.  Get a narrative made up about myself, and have it approved by others that are in on the same terms.  It is nothing but virtual games, or so it seems.  Call up images of Orwell’s 1984, or Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451….any dystopian story…it all is narrative.  And the writer creates, and advertises the narrative.

Our stories are self-concocted, self-narrated, and self-imposed.  There is nothing that says you have to be who you are in any given moment.  For all I know, I could be a King of France that is also a little bit “crazy”.  That the year isn’t 2017 (calendars are also made up).  That it could be mere moments from the masquerade where courtiers got lit on fire ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bal_des_Ardents ).

The only reference that we have is ourselves, and our believed history/narrative.  And yet psychology seems to want to disown that portion of our lives by saying it is likely false.  A lie that is due to self-reporting data, but what I do I know?

Emotionally Gutted

This is going to be a hard one to write.  During a point in my life when I had transitioned to college, I had chanced upon a feeling.  What this feeling was, I can’t pinpoint down.  I’d like to call it “Love”, or something along those veins.  “Warmth”, perhaps, for that’s all it felt like.  It was, and still is a foreign concept to me.  All I know is that I felt safe around a certain person.  I wanted to continue to see said person, for she had invoked such a feeling.  I wanted to explore it, but it terrified me.  What is this burning sensation I felt in my chest?  Am I sick?  I never felt such internal sensation of the life before….

Growing up, I never received much praise, or acknowledgment for positive efforts.  If anything the metaphorical rod was the standard practice of the environment.  Cry, get yelled at, raise one’s voice, get yelled at, “incompetent” get yelled at, question anything, get yelled at, complain, get yelled at, spoke out, get yelled at….when I was 18-19, when I was in Huntsville, AL.  After entertaining above feeling that was instilled by said certain person, for about a month before destroying the connection in a panic induced haze.

I realized emotions are “unnatural” for me.  I had spent the subsequent year crying myself to sleep because I just didn’t understand, and I still don’t.  I honestly know I probably could take a person’s life with no remorse, or feeling about it.  I probably could plan it out, and enact it quite effectively too.  I know how to make some explosives (from my years in chemistry), I know how to shoot, and have handled firearms before.  I have practiced some martial arts, so I am slightly familiar with close quarters combat too.

Overall, these realizations sort of “scare” me on an intellectual level (not emotional cause well, they’re shunted).  I’m scared of myself, and that understanding has haunted me since Huntsville.  I’ve spent years gutting the world around me intellectually as a virtual construct with constructed meanings.  I’ve nearly seen a Harvard Educated Professor shoot up colleagues over something as slight as a “insult/fear of patent loss” (Huntsville campus shooting circa 2010), so I’ve witnessed human failing of that extent nearly firsthand.

What prevents one from becoming a “Lone Wolf Actor”?  I don’t know, I’ve been yelled at for possibly becoming one, so I don’t know.  I never want to be, or become an ineffective martyr that takes other’s lives for a suicidal belief.  I just don’t know what sets one off other than maybe being pushed too far.

God knows I’ve been pushed, but I already realize that my being pushed is nothing compared to the suffering of Others.  I just don’t understand why we push each other so hard.  Women can’t find common decency, men can’t express themselves without fear of “vulnerable repercussions”.  We’re all playing masquerade with ourselves, and each other.  Truth is an illusion in some arguments, and God is Dead.  There have been those who’ve argued for a “Last Messiah” of let Humanity as an aberration of thought die off.  Don’t reproduce.  Don’t do anything to survive, just go quietly into that Eternal Night….

I so desperately want to Live Life, but I’m scared to do so.  I feel like I’ve been barred into a certain direction.  That I have no choice (according to science free will is an illusion).  Life just doesn’t seem like Life.  Find some sort of enjoyment, and you’re scared to enjoy it.  Simply because you don’t want to “lose it”, but the very effect of that thought causes it’s loss.

Scared to actually be vulnerable because you may “lose it” too.  That you won’t have the “structure of the Ego created Mask” to hold your identity together.  That everything you do to cling to shards of sanity actually drive yourself further to the depths of madness.

This all I’ve realized, and I want more of it.  My taste for Life simply can’t be sated, and I feel the only choice is Existence, Yes/No?  Do you commit suicide?  If yes, you’ll never know success/failure, or anything.  You may simply restart, and go through the recurring mess that caused one to crave suicide in the first place.  Life.

And with Life, a realization that you’ll either have to predate, or parasite off another.  If you simply do not what to be a “herd” animal.  Simply due to energy dynamics.

Thus one begins to realize that Everyone is a Liar, that Everyone is Un-whole, and a Sinner that doesn’t care, for salvation.  Simply because Life entails it so.  Religion is a farce, philosophy is a farce, everything is a farce of the sickest sort.

So can a person ever win in a “no-win” situation?  Kirk did so, The Kobayashi Maru (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobayashi_Maru )…according to his standards.  And that is the only way to win, according to one’s own standards.

My response to a friend about the Kobayashi Maru scenario as to what I would do in said situation.  Was to challenge the most honorable Klingon crew to a trial by ordeal.  How it would play out, I don’t know.  Some personal thought scenarios has it playing out by the Klingon’s fighting amongst themselves for the “honor” of starting the war with the Federation.  Others’ with a feeling of, “Our Finest Hour!”  Overall, my personal taste is of a, “Our Finest Hour” mixed in with heroic displays of valor.  Simply because I think the Kobayashi Maru scenario is one that is meant to challenge oneself on that level.  Do you aspire to be a hero, even if reluctant, or are you willing to go into that cold eternal night without a fight?

Thus I’m no longer scared of myself, I’ve realized my potential, and I have come to know myself.  I have been tested, I have not broken, nor have I failed.  My standards are resolute, and I’ve been redeemed if solely in my own eyes.  This is the way of us all.  My Father, and my Mother did not hesitate to punish or spoil.  It was all in the application.  I may have forgot some of the positives of my childhood, just as I’ve exaggerated the negatives.  There was both, and there always are both.  I just hope at some point, the positives outweigh the negatives by a significant margin, and that I’m able to accept such imbalance gracefully.

Such is Life.

A Philosophy of Pain, Suffering, & Humiliation.

Well, this may be a darker toned one, but it may be interesting.  Let us suppose that there is one inexplicable psychological phenomena that defies explanation.  Let us call it “Pain”, it is an tormenting experience, and not often rated very highly in “hedons”  ( https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Hedon ) in fact some have gone so far to create a term called “dolor” (apparently) to describe it.  Having created some sort of image of this concept, let us go further, and state most philosophies/religions are about allaying such concept.

Stoicism, detaching from things that may cause pain.  The same goes for Buddhism, and I’m sure plenty of others that are eluding me right now.  Why is this so?  If Pain is the only psychological phenomena that we can be certain of experiencing.  Why would we want to negate suffering?  What is so surreal about pain that we can’t accept it into our lives?  Instead we blunt it out, and are we in turn blunting ourselves?  We censor others that offend us, and we avoid anything that seems harsh.  To me, at least, it seems that we are.

I should mention that I don’t see myself as a sadist, or a masochist.  I just think that pain, as an authentic experience shouldn’t be ignored.  Dig into it, and extract the wound.  There’s the remark of, “Doctor, Heal Thyself!”, but if Doctors, and nonetheless ourselves, are unwilling to reach into our own personal pits of turmoil to extract the thorn that causes us grief.  Just what are we actually doing?

As I sit here writing, and composing my thoughts for this article.  I keep coming back to a notion of Christianity.  I know very little of it as a doctrine, and I’m laity when it comes to actually having read the Bible.  And yet, from my cursory knowledge/experience of it.  It does not seem like a light airy religion, it seems to have a fairly dark edge to it which is oddly attractive.  Call it a morbid curiosity, or an attraction to the Dark Side (of the force).

Consider for a moment, this thought, taken out of context, perhaps, of Jesus himself.  A man stripped down, flogged, and nailed, I repeat nailed to a Cross.  He was made to carry his own impending device of suffering 600 meters (~2000 ft).  That does not seem like a doctrine that would entail much dignity for the guilty (unlike what we “civilized” folk have now for suffering and shame).  Crowned with a briar of thorns, Jesus did this, and endured it.

At this point I just want to cry both emotionally, and spiritually.  I just want to scream out, “Look here!  This Man of Faith, this King, and Son of God.  Brought low by fellow man, and debased of all worth!  High claims rent to ground.  His bones, dust, his blood, ash, and yet he lives on!”

Now taking into context our daily lives, they don’t seem so bad now, do they?  We may suffer the stones, and arrows of verbal assaults (on occasion).  Even more rarely, physical assaults.  Although, does any of us know true suffering?  To be called, “King of the Jews”?

Oddly, I’m reminded of those bracelets of, “What Would Jesus Do?”.  Well, from this superficial understanding, he’d voluntarily accept his suffering, and not reject the “Burden of God/Cross”.

If I knew nothing else about the figure of Jesus, the aforementioned alone would inspire me with a sense of respect if not admiration.  I mean consider how easily do we take flight for moments of respite, or offshore responsibility for our misdeeds onto others?  Did, and does Humanity deserve Jesus?

I don’t know, we apparently did, but I don’t know.


The Monkey Chain of Hierarchies, (or Breaking the “Self” to Realize the Self).

(Ensure that you’ve read “The Divide” post before putting much weight behind this one).

One of the things that I seem to find myself butting my head against more often than not is the notion of “hierarchy”.  At least that’s what a cursory understanding may imply, but digging deeper to try and express what I’m aiming at seems to lead to a notion of the following.  The idea that no matter what, a person, or individual is embedded within a larger social context.  We are after all social creatures, but we seldom maintain one “level” of status consistently.

To some, if not most, people a person encounters in their waking life.  They are an individual of low worth, or indeterminate worth.  You’re still recognized as human for the most part, but other than that you may as well be a stereotype, or a 2-dimensional stock character, a trope.  This is what equality leads to, a sort of dehumanization of the human element in some sense.  A King, a President, a serf, or a slave…all have to use the same/similar “throne” (toilet) at some point during the day.  And yet, the majority of us don’t think of it that way.  We defer to those with “Authority” which in itself has it’s own perks, and cons.

The point I’m attempting to hone in upon is a notion that for as lauded as some people may appear to be, their shit still stinks as with our own, and until they come up with android bodies where we don’t need to use the “Facilities”.  It likely won’t change.  Regardless of this, we clamor, and use whatever slight of mind to discern, and advance ourselves above some sort of “Other”.  An “Other” being something, or someone that is simply not a part of “Us”.

We (the “royal we”), claim to be (insert age) Souls, or whatever level of spiritual/intellectual/cognitive development where we attempt to set ourselves up as some sort of “Status” icon.  At least to ourselves, and at most to those around us.  Thus it starts to boil down to a game of “monkey chain”.  Those who play the best end up at the “top”, but everyone else is beneath them holding on for dear life.  Whereas the one at the bottom has no other burden other than themselves, but they get all sort of “messages” from above.

If one were to construe this as a “moral message”, it would be along the lines of, “abase oneself of their own inflated worth”.  You aren’t special, if simply because until you realize that you aren’t so.  You have no sense of specialty.

To illustrate what I mean by this.  Consider that your entire identity, and sense of “Self” was concocted outside of your own sense of “Self”.  Your Name, given to you by your parents.  Your friends, determined mostly by your social status/grouping.  Your Nation, just a larger group.  It all boils down from above with the notion of “social identification”.  You are “granted/given” a #Number# at birth, and registered with the local official body (for the most part).  And yet, how much of your identity is tied up within these constructs?  Lose said #Number#, or have it “Stolen” and you’ve lost your “Identity”.

Once a person truly realizes this, and integrates it into their consciousness.  There’s no going back.  Your identity is a construct, you aren’t being “Authentic” despite whatever showy actions one takes until this realization is made (or so I think).  At the base you are just another object given a name.  A hunk of carbon, water, and other various chemical compounds that moves, and acts “Human”.  Yet in some sense is still missing a “Soul”.  You have an “Identity”, so much as it is recognized by “Others”.  And yet, this seems really hollow.  You had no say over it as an individual, it just happened.

You are a “Nothing” playing at being “Something”, (this whole post is building off of the last post where Sartre’s Authenticity was mentioned.  That sense of True Self).  A person isn’t truly an individual until they’ve cast aside whatever constructs they have used to precipice their “Identity”.  This is why “Individuation” is so hard, and ego shattering.  It is because that is exactly what one is doing.  Destroying, and allowing their Ego to be destroyed.  Only because they’ve realized that their Ego is, and was completely fabricated by another outside Entity.  Ie; Not their-selves.

It is a Hellish experience to go through, but it is one of the most rewarding ones that a person can experience in their entire lives (as it feels to me).  To realize that you are an animal, that you can be trained “Pavlov Style” (Classical Psychological Conditioning https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_conditioning ).  As my personal thesis, I think that a person can gain control of themselves, but they first need to be “mastered” by another.  A different person, who may, or may not have their newly found servants best interest at heart.  This is to be so because, one is essentially being shown how they’ve been “Domesticated” by society, or whatever culture.

Taking another step from this, One once being mastered, (broken like a wild horse, for analogy) is presented with an option.  To be the eternal servant/slave of “God”, or to struggle/fight for Freedom (become a Prince in Hell).  A person can’t faithfully serve two masters, that should be easily understood.  One Master is external, and are the ones who originally “broke/domesticated you” (say they potty trained you).  The other True, and Honest Master is the one that resides within.  Your True sense of Self, and let me say this, “You’ll always have to live with yourself.”

Thus having been “Socially built” (broken by the external master), and forcibly re-broken/rebuilt by the Internal Master.  One may achieve their sense of Self, and become a True Unique Individual.  After all, if you personally know what it takes to break you, and destroy you.  What is there to fear except yourself, but you are your own Master at that point.  Thus there is no fear, no remorse, no guilt, not one single ounce of internal conflict.

Realizing all of this may be mental gymnastics though, but I wouldn’t be surprised if veterans could relate to this.  The metaphorical “Hump” in Boot-Camp.  The point where one wants to give up upon themselves, and just quit.  To washout.  Pushing through that, and “breaking oneself” once again allows one to remold themselves completely.  Simply because as an analogy the Sergeants have “broken you down at that point”.  One must simply do it to themselves now.  They (The External Master) have demonstrated all the skills needed to do so.

As a quip…., “Spiritualism calls for Ego-Death, but doesn’t that imply something is actively killing or has killed the Ego?”.

The Divide

Well, to continue with the incoherent theme my blog seems to have taken of late.  I will say that the past few months has been me delving into the “psychological archives”, and reading some books about Jungian Depth Psychology.  Mainly “The Portable Jung” by Joseph Campbell (conveniently found here for free & legally https://archive.org/details/ThePortableJung ), and “Maps of Meaning” by Jordan B. Peterson.

Both of which relate to the mindset I have found myself in the past couple of years, and the boundaries I’ve been pushing (probably a little too much).  Anyways, as far as I understand Jung’s thoughts, and what I’ve been thinking about personally.  Is the following diagram to illustrate the ideas.Realities

To start with Ego, Ego is the little bit of awareness that a person generally has until they “confront, and amend” their “Shadow” (Personal Unconscious).  Both of which reside in the Self.  The Ego overlaps, with the Personal Unconsciousness and the Collective World/Consciousness.  A person can only be aware of what is within their “Ego” (generally), and it plays a part of how they interact with the world around them (Reality).

Adjusting to the Personal Unconsciousness (The Shadow) is the trick of Jungian Individuation.  A process that can’t really be detailed, but can experienced by everyone.  It’s just that few choose to do so because it risks flirting with “Insanity”, and “Cognitive Regression”.  Along with social retribution/isolation for “breaking norms”.  The payoff is to truly know yourself, and to become an Individual.

Moving onto the Self, Self is the part that subsumes Ego, and The Personal Unconsciousness.  It is truly a person’s “Soul”.  My thoughts on it roughly tie in Sartre’s Authenticity, Nietzsche’s Nihilism/Ubermensch, Kierkegaard’s Knight of Faith, and a whole host of other thoughts.  Crudely, it could be described as Existence precedes Essence, which predates Recognition, and then Acceptance of said Essence.  A “person” is born into the world, but they aren’t fully “aware” of it, nor themselves.  Mainly because the “Brain/Ego/Self” is still being generated/compiled from stimuli, and experiences.  An early trap to fall in to is the notion of “Roles”.  Identifying oneself via the tasks they perform, and the activities they do during conscious life.  This is not so.  That ties in with Authenticity by realizing that those are just acts a person does.  Masks, if you will.  Nietzsche’s Nihilism comes along, and hammers away all these masks…The “Twilight of the Idol(s)”, so to speak.  Building upon the bare fundamentals of annihilation, for what are we except “dust in the wind”.  One constructs their notion of Self through the Culture they are immersed in daily, but not through identification as previously.  They take the facets they like/enjoy, and discard the rest into the “Nihilistic Abyss”, for those things have no meaning to the True Individual.  The “Knight of Faith” is comparable to the Ubermensch in the aspects that both take into account their selves as creations.  The Ubermensch reevaluates all external meanings/mores whereas the Knight of Faith applies meaning to the Self/God.  They are not opposed, but cantilevers to the thesis/anti-thesis/synthesis aspect of development.

Transitioning to the Collective Unconsciousness, it could be roughly described as the “History” that isn’t written, but is still kept in mind.  It is composed of “Archetypes”, or “Fictional Heroes”.

Collective Consciousness is the world that is “Historically Written”.  It is transcribed in books, and the actors are “Real” (Non-Fictional whatever that means at this point) beings.  It is the world that we are all actors in as far as we know, and constitutes our daily lives.  We may overlap with other “Actors” during our lives, but the bubbles of Self/Ego/Personal Unconscious are truly our own.  As they shall always be.  Humanities bubble, as a species, is the Speculated/Potential Universe.  It can, and probably will overlap with an “Alien Species” at some point, but those species themselves will likely have their own history/bubbles (Unconscious functions due to Evolution, if Universal).

The Speculated/Potential Universe is the aspect of Reality that we as a united species is exploring, and can reach to the best of our present theories.  It, as with all of the above bubbles, is expanding.

The Unknown, is the Cosmic Chaos, and the Reality that we can’t, or haven’t explored.


…Suffice to say, the above is just my mental model for making sense of Reality, and I truly do believe that there are several definitions of what constitute as Real.  To me if it is possible to be conceived of, it is likely to be, or become Real at some point in Existence.