A Confession.

I must confide.  This is the Truth.  I have never been kissed, and that is rather uncouth.  When posed with a question, of who’d I’d rather choose.  Between tall, and limber, or quick and lean.  I chose Tall, and Limber, for the kissing would be all that much sweeter.


A Spark of Flame.

In the twilight hour, when dusk has faded, and when the poets are asleep, does the light of day take hold.  The flame of consciousness, the blessing of life, the ignition of peace.  Hope never dies, nor shall fate.  Destiny is entwined, and Death is a Date.  Never for those in a tender embrace, for Love seals our fate.

As Nietzsche said in Thus Spake Zarathustra, “….It is the stillest words that bring on the storm. Thoughts that come on doves’ feet guide the world….”, part II chapter 44, The Stillest Hour (Wikiquote: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Thus_Spoke_Zarathustra ).

Night, not day, is when we find our truest strengths, death is nothing more than motes in the eye of those who are relentless in their pursuit of Life.  An aesthetic life can give way to cold judgement, and within it nothing more than condemnation.  The era of Judgement, and the stillness of the cold-hearted critic.  Giving way, and paving forth a step towards the religious, and the sacrament-ed life.

“Eternity asks you and every individual in these millions and millions only one thing: whether you have lived in despair or not, whether you have despaired in such a way that you did not realize that you were in despair, or in such a way that you covertly carried this sickness inside of you as your gnawing secret… or in such a way that you, a terror to others, raged in despair.” – Soren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death (Wikiquote: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Sickness_Unto_Death ).

At the liminal peak, the juxtaposition of the lens, you shall find, yourself.  A persona revealed, an identity to be.  A Person who has become “me”.  This is why our ways are different, we aren’t afraid of the cutting blade, nor the burning torch.  We are the quiet doves the brings hope, and faith to the world.  The fires in our bellies cannot be extinguished for we know the Truth, The Joys of Life.

  • Do not go gentle into that good night,
    Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

As day breaks once again, we find ourselves in a new world, a world of difference and change and as that old Chinese proverb goes; “May you live in Interesting Times.”  A single stray comment that may change depending upon the emotional state one is in.  A descent into the Dark, a pox upon thee.  An ascent into the Light, a blessing at Twilight.

A stray thought about Thomas Paine ( https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Thomas_Paine ), In Memoriam; “A Firebrand unlike any other, he set the world aflame with his desire for liberty and patronage of the Truth.  Although a corset maker by trade, he never let his baser instinct take hold, and resort to petty commonness.  He spoke, and yelled for the Truth, and that Truth was Liberty!”

Campus Motto of North Carolina-Chapel Hill, “Lux, Libertas, Veritas”:  Translated from classical latin as; “Light, Liberty, Truth”.

Three simple words, a whole world of meaning.  That cannot be destroyed or effaced, for the Truth shall stand tall.  It shall stand proud, and it shall set all of us free.

Inspiration, once sought flees, and when struck hits hard.  The Muses of Ancient Greece were none other that the loves of the Philosophers.  And the quip of the times, in essence, “A happy woman does not a philosopher make.”.  One has to remember the times, that women were burdened with most of the domestic duties, and when the men retired from whatever service they had publicly, they had time to bullshit, and think.  They conversed.  The joys of the dialectic, the peaceful making, and conversing of points, and arguments.  Is the conflict that begat a whole school of thought,…”What can a poor man do to make a woman happy?”….”what is Love?”…  Romance, and all the poetic eras of thought, how to woo your woman, and not buy her off uncle in concubinage as per Ovid’s thought.

Chivalry is not dead, for it lies in an eternal tryst with True Love which begat eras of inspiration.  A knightly deed though done with purity of heart when knights were considered boastful braggarts, and mere thoughtless brutes.  Elevated a knight to romantic hero, a hero of dashing reknown.  That would dare draw steel against a greater foe for a woman’s honor, and dignity.  Their pride and joy, their desire arose the ire of nations…., Helen of Troy.

A maiden who’s face launched a war that would wage throughout the eras, and cause ceaseless discord to those that fail to honor the legacy of mankind.  The Trojan war, a Trojan condom?  Neigh, I would say, for that is robbing the cradle from the home.  Destroying the joys of fumbling in the dark, or perchance the light for a strange sensation.  Awkwardness for both, and a moment of revelation.  She, or he truly did love me.  They waited, they held their promise, regardless of hell or high water.  They came back.  They never left.

This is what western love is.  Brotherly love can be brutal, or blissful.  Depending upon the Brothers’ involved, and the dynamics they choose to abide by.  Romance should never be harsh, or disdainful, for that is nothing more than a spit in the eye.  Reproduction for nothing more than a mechanical process removes the joy of life.  There is no hope, no home, no hearth….just hellish processing.

So what is Love?  What is Life?  Who’s to say?  All the poets, and philosophers throughout the ages of mankind…Humanity.  They have something to say, and they say it everyday.  I love you, and here’s how I shall show how, and why.

A poem, a stanza, a couplet, and a limerick.  Nightly devotion by your side, or perhaps a enfolding epic composed with you by my side?  I do not know, for I am still single, and yet unclaimed.  I desire life, and yet I must refrain.  My tithe is due, and bills must be paid.  There’s no pillar of light, nor love, just Taxes and Death.  How is this a lovely state?  Bonking each-other for gratuitous pleasure, as per a masturbation accessory, life sized, and full scale!  And yet, and yet, there are those that seek neither and they amuse themselves with their own pleasure, at their own ease.

Are these the ones who are depraved?  Those who aspire to be loved, and to give love…not beastful cravings, and youthful ganking.  The ordering of vestal virgins, brought about through contrived means…is nothing more than the hatred of Ovid himself.  The oldest form of Irony and Satire, when he himself….sold his daughter, or perchance his niece away for some wrongful suitor?  I know not, for that is classical love.  I seek a love that hasn’t yet been written.

Not a love of star crossed lovers, who would commit murder-suicide as per Romeo and Juliet.  The go to love for the Elizabethan Queen.  Not of noble origin.  Not of the selected lot.  Devil be DAMNED!  I’ve chosen my lot.

A Byronic rant?  Perchance a Dream?  No.

What is the Dream?

A world without war?  A world without peace?  What is this dream?  The American Dream?  It is, and shall always be, a world of the Free.  For without War, there’d be no struggle for survival, no advancement of Humanity, for all our advances come from the age old problem of, “how do we survive in this struggle with life?”

To me, the American Dream, is an individualized dream, a personalized dream, where everyone has the ability to choose, and live their own life.  A life without sin, a life without grief, a life without a dominating authority, a life of choice.  A life, where all are free to make their own decisions, and a life where they must, and are likely to pay for those decisions.

In some sense, a euphoric trip in “heaven” would be bliss, but also hell, for we were, and still are “fallen”.  We were made by a benevolent god, but what was the cause?  His amusement?  What about ours?  Aren’t we entitled to our own choice of whom, and what to follow and believe?  Why should you, or I have to answer to a figure that made us solely for his, or her amusement?

It’d be no different than building, and making a pleasure bot for ours.  A forced sex slave.  Why?  How is that ethical?  Is it even sane?  I’d say no.  We need Sin in this world, and we need Death, for it builds and strengthens our character.

We are humble, and we are proud, but not of ourselves, but of our world, and the work we can, and shall accomplish.  American Exceptionalism is this, a sense of Freedom, and Liberty, a sense of Justice for All, as far as man can provide.  This is what Life entails, a chance to fail or succeed.  The choice is entirely yours, and it is mine as well.  There are so many options to take in life, and so little roads to follow sometimes.  We are often corralled into paths, and options that we had no say over.

From the guilds of Europe, to Parental family lines, and trades.  There is simply no choice.  We can’t choose our parents, nor can we choose our family.  We can choose our friends, and our acquaintances.  We CAN, and Shall choose who, and what we are.  There is simply no other Option.  For if that weren’t true, why would we be here in the first place?

There’d be no reason, this is something I refuse to believe.  If Sin is a world out of touch with God, I have been there, and I don’t know why.  It wasn’t my choice, I have been condemned, and judged harshly, but like Job.  I had no other choice.  I feel like I have been forced, and coerced into selling my soul to the Devil of Jesus Christ.

This is something I hate Christianity for.  The gall to offer the choice of, our world of Death, or Your Death for our cause.  That is something that reeks of Self-Righteous smugness to Heaven.  In other words, Pride.  And if God is Proud of his (or Her) creation, He (or She) should be accused, and held to the same standard of Satan/Lucifer for his Pride.

I am a “Man”, but that is just a “word”, and Christ brought us “words”, so what?  Does that make him the only “redeemer”?  I think not, that is why I choose voluntarily to abscond from the Catholic Faith.  It is so, …… disgusting.  Death, or the Cross.  A crucified man upon a stick.  How lovely, and brotherly is that?  Not very.

If this is a religious rant, than I’ll be damned, but I have done so already.  I lost my faith before it was formed.  I have always been in the Dark Night of the Soul.  I was a melancholic (according to their seasonal dogma) that was raised in a house that contained a Vietnam Era Vet.

If anyone knows the true Evils of War.  It is them, a war in which two drastically different cultures clashed.  The East, of the Orient, is a whole different world in every aspect from the Western Culture of Rome.  Rome proselytizes, the Orient does not.  This is, and was probably why so much killing has happened the past few decades within this past century.  This has been an era of Death.

Is this simply because of a corrupt god?  A god that has no good Faith?  I don’t know.  God is a mystery.  Fine, but don’t drag those into your faith, and then withhold their freedoms, and rights to know to a limited few.  The Blind leading the Blind, and in the World of the Blind, The One-Eyed Man is King, right?  Does this imply that the Catholic God only has one eye?  That he is half blind?

If so, then that is a wounded, and dying god, but like the movie, “Passion of Christ”, which I have not seen!  I must re-learn love, which I heard from one of the songs within the soundtrack I picked up from a “grey-market” (an un-official location).  Does that mean that I bought a Sin?  That by buying an item from such a location, I have committed a crime against GOD?  Then Why does anything exist?

I fell out of the paradigm in Elementary, more than likely 5th grade.  I can’t remember the full details as to why, or how.  It just happened.  It was an accident, but everything happens for a purpose.  If so, then why does a god need to Kill his own Damn Son?  Did the Son, step out of “Line” one too many times?  You know, “come here boy…it’s time to get disciplined!….*(SMACK)*”.  If so, that is inhumane, and sadistic.

And yet, I have to admire the very strength it too Jesus to Live, and suffer.  I can’t justify his story in any sense, and I don’t know what sort of rationale I would need.  Although, GOD is not supposed to be “explained”….then why Job?  What was his problem?

Apparently, it was a wager, and that was it.  I wagered my Soul, a concept I feel I may have been coerced into believing since I was baptized as a child before the Age of Reason.  Am I a Sinner?  I don’t think so, I don’t feel “Evil”, and I don’t act like the “Devil”.  I just don’t get this.  This Moral Absolutism, and yet….I don’t get “Moral Relativism” either.

Thus what am I?  This is what this blog is about.  This is what my Life is going to be about.  I have made my decisions, and I’m perfectly willing to suffer, and Die for my Faith as Jesus did for his.

And yet, this is not necessary.  I’ve already embraced my impeding demise, and I feel like I’ve been dodging Death since the Day of My Birth.  I was born with a stomach infection.  That was it.  Apparently that was enough to render me extremely depressed, and to a life sentence of Doom.

Therefore, I feel this Dream needs a new tune.  A tune in which people have Choice, and an ability to choose.  If they must suffer for their faith, so be it.

If one really cares, I wagered, and made a Faustian Pact/Contract with the Devil for the Culture/Soul of Humanity.  IF I were to go, so would he, and God…., perhaps.  That act was entirely voluntarily, and made freely in part under duress.  To which I argued relentlessly, and constantly while still under duress about the unethical bind I was put in, and through.

If God wants my soul, he may have it.  If the Devil takes it, God Damn Him which he already has.  To me, I merely wanted to live a peaceful, and humble life.  One where I could be an Artist, and a Sculptor.  That dream died, for a bit.  I have become a Chemist, and possibly a “Polymath” (debate pending).  This is my time, as it is yours.

If I were to “Win this wager”, and to be in “charge” of Humanity.  The sole wish I would have would be for to Humanity to perpetuate, and thrive.  To live long, and prosper.  To be Fruitful, and Multiply.  As per my life decisions, and personal beliefs, I would knowingly grant, and return every item that “Humanity” created, and that I “won”.  To their Proper creators, and owners.

This notion of a “Demiurge”, is Fubar.  A creator should be able to create what they want to create, peacefully, and with the help of their chosen deity and/or profession.

There are Professionals in War, they keep us safe.  There are Professionals in Peace, they keep us Safe.  There are Professionals in Life, and they keep us alive…..this can be said about everyone under the Sun.

To me, the first profession, and Job was Defender, and Lover…if not Creator.  Enjoy Life, but in Moderation.  As per the Golden Mean.

Peace Out.

The Onion of Time.

Time is three dimensional, let us take that as a fact.  Space-time is four dimensional, and space is three dimensional.  And yet there is concepts of past, present, and future.  In my point of view, there is a thing as Time Topology, and that time is like an onion.  It layers upon itself.

According to The Newtonian Perspective, aka “God’s Clockwork of The Divine Plan”….everything operates like a perfectly arranged, and timed clock…until, or should I say before?  You know, causality flows according to our own linear perspective.  And with that, the Onion of Time, The Historical Eras that layer successfully upon each other with each generation of Life develops.

Much like an onion.

According to our artist friends, or those of an “What time is it?  Eh, doesn’t matter…. ………………………………………..”, temperament.  Time operates according to its own, and entirely novel principles… aka one that we probably shouldn’t mess with due to us generally being conceived of as “natural philosophers”….until we started saying, “Oops…” a little too often.  You know when Reality starts to breakdown.

So let us say, that bridges once built, and crossed may be burned, but sometimes….you may just want to cross back to the other side… in a post haste retreat.

Thus, according to the arousal principle of time, or until the end of climax.  Time started with the BIG BANG according to most natural philosophers.  Theologians, argue, and would like to point to the cosmic waving of the GREAT HAND.  Not to be entirely confused for Deus, but the creation of the Universe through mystical means.  In essence, both parties are entirely correct in their opinions…until we encounter an alien species that has an orthogonal perspective upon space-time.

Aka, they orient themselves different to our reality in a 3-dimensional network, or manifold.

Well, this Onion of Time, is quite natural.  Unlike a sand-timer that has to be manually reset, and keeps track of times in increments of a discrete nature.  The Onion, has this valuable principle to impart, Time, is something that is a natural progression of events itself.

Time, in this perspective is something that radiates outwards from a singularity, a time of such momentous impact that shapes a generation, and those to follow.  World War II for most Europeans.  9/11 for Post-War America, and most of the Middle-East.  These are what would constitute as “Singularities” for a layer of “Onionness”.  The evolution of Time, according to a generation.  This would be a non-newtonian framework of Time.  Not quite Einsteinian, nor relativistic, but maybe a merger of the two.  An overlap of a “classical framework of time” (Newtonian), to a “it just doesn’t matter!” of (Relativistic Thought).

Fun erratic thought;  What if Einstein, who grew up in a heavily integrated temporal society of Prussian Work, and Swiss Design…suddenly noticed clocks at two stations within moments of each other operating vast distances apart.  Clue; Look up how they used to set clocks during that time frame, and adjust for schedules upon the train stations.

The French Figured it out, so the did the English with their “around the world shenanigans”….although the Dutch may have done it first with the Dutch East Indies Trading Company…

Regardless, and continuing on with this Onion of Time.  Each onion starts with a bulb, a little onion that is seeded from a bigger onion.  We know it comes from the seeds, and the fertilization of the parent plants.  Although, where does the origin of the Onion genus come from?  Mustard Seeds?

And where did the mustard seeds come from?  Oh dear Rabbit who followed Alice into this hole of madness.  This isn’t insanity, but hyper-logic, the sense that appears when one argues for a Platonic Ph.d on the basis that “Plato never had a Ph.d, and look what he did!”.  He codified Logic, and developed some of the seeds for Western Thoughts, and Ethos.

Just like our Saracen friends during the Dark Ages of Europe, there is a question that arises…, “What Happened?”… Well, we honestly don’t know.  A spark of consciousness, perchance originating in India somewhere?  Or did Confucius hammer it home himself?  There are already many modes of logic upon this planet.  Hinduism, Confucianism, …, and the like.

A clue, when it comes to new science, look to the synergistic emergence of multiple thoughts.  A clash of ideas, and beliefs.  Like when East meets West, or North meets South.

Thus, in my conception of space-time.  Actually 3-dimensional space itself.  Orient oneself the following way.  Which way does the ground fall, Earth…down, or up?  Do you fall upon your head, or upon your back?  Especially when you look up?  Left is to the right of the opposing side.  When someone takes your left hand in say Somalia….is it a grievous insult?  More so when one considers the implication behind that hand?  Is it the offensive hand to the taker?

Tidbit;  Most Europeans, when married, as far as I know, place their ring (a sign of devotion) upon their Right Hand.  In America, as per the custom I’m familiar with, it is upon their Left Hand.  Look up Sir Thomas Moore’s Utopia (from the priest himself if time is short), or consult the book which may be found in most English Anthologies.

A fun trick, in America at least, if you wish to spot a Narcissist (A self absorbed, egotistical person that only cares about themselves), ask them to draw, or put an “E” upon their forehead.  If it’s legible to the reader, ie you, the one who asked them to do so…they care about you.  The opposite is true if they put up an “L” (Loser).

As a further clue to this cosmic orientation for this onion of time, empathize with me for a moment.  “E” when read left to right as most westerners do, reads as “E”, not “ae”, or however…it’s not even a character upon the standard qwerty keyboard.

For those who read, from Right to Left, while cool.  It is rapidly being dominated by the Western usage of left to right, top-down.  If you’re a Japanese artist who likes to invert the picture by gazing between their legs…read down-up.

FYI:  This is why I was commenting about “the “Omni-directional” language that I was trying to Codify in “Symbolic Languages/Thoughts”.  The one with this picture;


Rage,.. Rage,… Rage Against….

…The Dying of the Light is how the poem goes.  This is not about the poem, this is about how every time I think about my life situation, and the “health” of my state of mind.  I am hit with the feelings of a deep injustice.

For the past 8 years, I’ve been getting “treated” for “Schizophrenia” and have been on a regular regime of medical drugs.  Abilify.  For the last 6 months I’ve been court ordered to take these “meds” for my “own benefit” because I am “sick”.

I don’t see how they can justify my treatment on any sort of grounds.  There is no evidence, none whatsoever of an ailment.  It is just the diagnosing doctors word.  And his assessment that I spend too much “time on internal stimuli”!

I simply don’t understand, why can this shit happen?  Is it because once the Dr. makes an assessment, they can’t recant for fear of being accused of “Malpractice” which is entirely what I feel is going on here.  It is his “reputation”, and his “word” against my entire life.

My LIFE, which is being destroyed, and has been effectively destroyed over the past 8 years.

In those past 8 years, I have essentially lost the prime years of my life to this “diagnosis”.

I have not dated anyone yet, for fear, and easy rejection of “you’re crazy…because you’re schizo….”.

I have no job because the “court order” states that I should be taking “life easy”, and that I’m not really allowed/capable of holding down a job.

My college degree is pretty much worthless because it is of such a low GPA, and of a branch that isn’t really recognized.

In an area where scientific jobs are scarcer than a snowflake in hell.

Prime years of my life are being wasted, and destroyed.  And yet, I’m not allowed to express discontent, or injustice for the treatment I’ve been receiving.

Is it all because I “stepped out of line” one too many times?  That I didn’t want to waste my life grinding through a 9-5 hr (40 hrs a week) (in reality 60+ hrs a week) job to make “ends meet” that are completely and arbitrarily imposed upon us.

That I asked too many questions about why the “System” is the way that it is?  That I am discontent with the way that people have been treated, other than myself?  That I don’t think Race, Creed, or Gender should really matter?  That I just want to be able to live my life without having to answer to another “man” in the aspect of what I have done, or am going to do with my time?  Nonetheless where I want to direct my efforts?

To me it seems that Everything is Criminalized, and this includes the right to be an Individual.  Heaven forbid you step out of the systematic line just once.  We are afraid of the unknown, fine, don’t condemn something that you don’t understand.  Or fail to make efforts to understand.  Simply because you don’t wish to do so.

This is nothing more than the tyranny of the majority, and the suppression of minorities.  Even if they aren’t based upon color, gender, or creed.  This is NOT what AMERICA is about!

I don’t know where this licentious, and moral decay started to take root in our culture.  This corruption of American Identity.  Some may say FDR was the start.  Other say whatever President in whatever era.  Bullshit.  This is entirely about the failings of Human Nature.  And the easy route of Ignorance.

The Ring of Gyges https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_of_Gyges .  We have failed.  We as a society have failed.  There are likely a few individuals who realize this and are fighting a fallback action against the encroaching wave of dissolution, but this experiment has failed from my point of view.

Simply because the Founding Virtues are no longer present within the Cultural Zeitgeist.  We have grown detached from what it means to be virtuous, and responsible to our fellow man.  It is so easy to imposition our beliefs and justifications in this environment.  Post-Modernism.  The Cultural Relativism of “You can’t Judge Us, Me, or another….because….” who’s to say you’re right.

History.  That’s who says who’s right.  The reason why Christianity, and other Religions are so conservative is because of this innate human disposition to seek the easy route.  To nullify our own virtues, to take the ring and pursue injustices for our own amusement.

To myself, I have seemingly faced up to, and have owned “who I am in the Dark”.  I have, to my own understanding, seen my evil nature.  It scared me, and even then it is still a part of who I am.  I can’t deny it.  I can only contain it.

I have fantasized about acts of wrath of against these “medical practitioners” for the pain, and anguish they have seemingly inflicted upon my life.  I have had thoughts of violence, and I know within that if I really cared to flip the “Switch” I would be no different than a psychopath, or mass murderer.

I have suffered the slings and arrows of being implied of having the disposition of a “Lone Wolf Terrorist” by my own family nonetheless.  I have been “vocally disowned” at least four times.

And this is because I asked questions.


Questions, the apparent Authorities can’t answer for themselves.

Questions, the Powers that be don’t know how to answer to another.

Questions, that are meant to keep a tyrant at bay.


Like it or not, I am starting to welcome the notion of decay.  The impending collapse of what seems to be a once mutual society.  A slow regress into barbarism.  This is nothing new.  Plato makes mention of how Republics/Democracies fail.  Same with Niccolo Machiavelli.  The populace loses touch with their moral virtues, and licentious settles in.

History, has started to reap it’s dues.  Sadly, it can’t really be stopped.  Only delayed.

The Worlds of Our Lives.

This may be a silly thought, but even silly thoughts need to be said.  The thought is that we are all living in multiple worlds with multiple levels of awareness.  In a sense that there used to be a division between worldviews of “inner subjectivity, and external veracity”.

The inner world was subdivided by Jung into the unconscious/shadow, and by Freud into the id/ego/superego.  This is old news.  What is new news, is possibly the idea that the external world has now undergone another subdivision.  The internet, and the physical world.

Isn’t this a little cool?  That we effectively have two lives?  If not more?  We are capable of presenting ourselves virtually in different parts of this physical world by being resident in our very own locales.  This is kinda like saying that within my own “house” I am “King”.  There is a social assumption being made that these two realms are demarcated.

One wouldn’t enter into someone’s house uninvited, so in the past we have made a social/psyche integration that allows us to publicly be one way, privately another, and there’s even more!

Let’s break this down;

  • House Inside – Private
  • House Outside – Public
  • Personal Body – Personal Sovereignty, but one could make an assumption that it is public/private
  • Mind – Private until rendered public
  • The Internet – Public, going/building “Private”/Internalized (Net Neutrality Death)
  • Computer – Private/public because what is rendered on the hard-drive is kept to oneself until shared.
  • So forth into different demesnes of different scales.

I mean is it any stretch of the imagination to realize that one is a “citizen of Facebook” or whatever social networking site.  Just as much as they are a citizen of whatever Nation?  Facebook is “bigger than most nations” population wise.

Facebook is effectively a Monarchy/Oligarchy.  In a virtual space, but it’s not any less real to those in its throes.

The essence of this post, is a thought that our psyches may be “Individuating” in themselves.  My “net” presence is a subset of my “Real world” presence.  Just as both are dependent upon my Bodily/Intellectual presence.

And apparently it’s seems possible for the “Mind” to have multiple layers too!  The “Inner Critic, and so forth.

Isn’t this cool?  But also worrying, if not “Schizophrenic” in itself?  That we have to have “multiple realities”?  One called Virtual (the internet), One called Real.  Both of which is further subdivided into Fact and Fiction.  Along with Internal World, and External World?  That have all their own subdivisions, and patterns?

And yet, this is agreed to be all of one Fabric, that of the Universe.  This is awesome isn’t it?

Decayed Laurels,…A Fictional Universe.

I recently just set up a sister site to this one that is going to be the home to the universe/settings that I am generating.  I’m trying something different, and that is to have something called a “living novel”.

The idea is with there being so much….stuff being generated on the web nowadays at a rate that is seemingly constantly increasing it makes a sort of sense to try and publish a novel that updates on a near weekly basis.  Say a chapter per week.  It sort of seems ludicrous to do so voluntarily and without getting paid, but the idea is to push forward into a new type of “media”.

I won’t be getting paid for the posts on the sister site right away, but the intent is to setup a patreon eventually, or some sort of donation button if it takes off.  There are a few reasons why I’m doing this this way now.  The major reason being I have found myself on welfare now because of the “medical issues”, and thus my income is presently restricted somehow.  In addition I have more time than ever right now being I actually don’t have a job…, so in order to keep myself busy.  I am doing this.

Overall, this project, The Decayed Laurels Mythos, as been something I’ve been working on alone for the past 4-5 years during college with the intents of doing a commercial release as a final product.  That mindset has changed, it is simply a lot of work to come up with a final product(s) that may, or may not be successful .  With this route, I think it allows me to keep working on my ideas, and to slowly build up a body of followers.

Hopefully you’ll like it as much as you seem to like my current blog.  I am trying something that is also different with the narration of the story.  The present narration follows the same character in at least two different “Reference Frames”.  It’s arc is called “The Wanderer”, and it deals with a notion that we may be able to separate mind from body (a theme I’m working with).  Thus there are going to be in most chapters “two halves” one from one perspective/reference frame, and one from the other.  They are cognitively implied to be happening at near the same time with different aspects of the characters awareness.

In addition there is an aim on adding in other narratives in the overarching mythos/universe.  They may, or may not take place at the same time, and with the same locations.  Think vignettes of characters that appear in the main arc, or other planets within the fictional universe.

Thanks for following so far,


Here’s the link to the sister site:  https://decayedlaurels.wordpress.com/

We Are Works of Art.

(Building Upon: (The Light of Postmodernism, and Its Very Own Cave).  Point #7; Good, Evil, and Every other Moral/Rationale Descriptor is based upon Perspective.).

And with art, comes the sense that not everyone “gets” what the art is about.  Take a look at modern abstract art, and it physically doesn’t represent much.  A few blobs of paint upon a canvas, and it leads one to speculate upon their emotions.  The red reminds me of passion, and rage.  This is nothing more than old school symbolism.  Red can be used in any sort of painting or image.  It should be sufficient that I don’t “get” modern abstract art.

Tying our sense of self to this notion that we are actors upon life’s stage.  One can easily come to terms with a notion that not everyone will understand, or appreciate our performance.  What you consider a great performance, or enactment may just be “eh” to me.  And vice versa, this is postmodern relativism.  My value system doesn’t have to relate to yours whatsoever.

Running with that notion, it is coupled to our inner sense, our introspection.  Are we being authentic to ourselves?  Am I fulfilling the role I feel I should be portraying in a manner that is consistent with my value/belief system?  This is where we get into the “Penitence” post.  I’ve found a reason why I posted it, or at least I’m conjuring one up now.

The reason, I think, is that it was meant to illustrate that all of us go through those inner turmoil where we don’t know how to act.  We’re just as judgmental of ourselves as we are of others.  Is this a problem, it can be.  We are petrified of the different, the unknown, and the strange.  Sure some people may lean into the transitions, but overall.  We like it when reality makes sense, even if it is a little bubble that does.

And a little bubble it is, regardless of what we think the scope of our awareness may be.  For instance, it’s starting to dawn on me that not many people have a non-religious based perspective.  I fell out of religion when I was six or seven years old.  Not entirely through my own actions, but it just precipitated out that way.  The last time I stepped into a Church with intentions of belief was probably close to tow years ago.  And it simply didn’t click with me.  I’m 28 now, pretty much, and so I’ve been without Religion/God, for about 20 years.  Yes there’s been times that it has bubbled up, but they’ve passed.  Mostly as my understanding grows.

Yet for many individuals, Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Moses, …et al are significant factors in their lives.  To me they are historical figures, ones who almost summon up the same reaction that someone saying Thor would (technically not true because I know a guy named Thor….).  And is my way “wrong”?

To some, or maybe a lot…I’m starting to realize, Yes.  My way is “Wrong” simply because I haven’t been cultured to the dominant “culture”.

Although we’re hitting the stage, where we’re having the power of individuality.  That the individual is starting to have a presence in life.  Most of us aren’t uneducated slaves toiling away at our overseer’s jobs.  Our language, and our privileged place in history allows us to reflect upon Humanity’s Past.  And say, yeah we as a species did some stupid things, but let’s not repeat them.  Hopefully.

We have to dive into the unknown, swim in the eddies and currents of being woefully misplaced, surface when the need demands, and overall Live in the absence of space where other generations have tread.  Else we are doing ourselves, and our progenitors a disservice.  Their history is incorporated into traditions, moments and aspects that we chose to propel forward or to discard as unnecessary burden.

We should look to places where our languages, our experiences fail us, and dive in.  In order to have new experiences in order to talk about, and delineate new portions of reality.

That is what makes our lives art, we aren’t a set plan.  An if A then B, or proceed here from C to D.  Plans are to be acted upon.  Art conveys meaning, and expression.  We are meant to convey our personal sense of value onto the next generation.  We are vessels for our Ideals.  In addition to being the crucibles which purify the essence of those Ideals.

Even the word, Virtue, to our present understanding it means “moral high quality”, in essence, to the ancient Romans.  Vir the stem of Virtue, simply meant Man.  This something didn’t know months ago.  It is something I realized as I was looking through Latin Grammars, and it clicked.

We are living in our concepts, our perspectives of the world.  We are actors who don masks to perform, but is there an inherent state of wrong to this?  I can’t honestly say, so maybe we all need to realize that nothing is set in stone.  It all is dust going to dust in our lifetimes.  Our perspectives die with us, and that is a good thing.

I just found this last night, and it resonated with me; https://youtu.be/MBRqu0YOH14

Forging An Identity.

(Building Upon: (The Light of Postmodernism, and It’s Very Own Cave).  Point #2, Too an extent, the World revolves around the Observer, You. & #3 There are, multiple reference frames, and modes of being. ).

I think I’ve said, and alluded to it before.  Although I can’t remember which posts right now, so bear with me.

I know I’ve mentioned the thought that a person doesn’t have a soul until they actively strive to create one.  Perhaps I need to clarify, and support that claim a little more.  I’m not sure if it entirely makes sense to those who read, but I’m going to run with this topic in this post.  If it’s redundant, skip over it.

By soul I mean a sense of self, not awareness, but a self that has a noted value system.  One that wasn’t handed down, and defined for a person.  A value system that takes into account what they feel suits their lives.  Kinda sounds paradoxical, and it is, you don’t have an identity until you have a value-system, but this value system is based off of your judgment (identity).

As odd as it may sound, that’s what I think the truth is.  A person is raised in whatever belief/social system they are (Christian, Islamic, Hindi, Buddhist…etc), and it becomes a cornerstone of their identity.  Moving to a slightly less touchy subject, I’m switching gears to language, but still holding onto this theme.

In most school systems they teach, and codify a language to you.  This is fine, for it allows one to communicate with reliance/skill/understanding to those around themselves.  Example, I learned mainly English in my academic life, and that was it.  Actually, I learned a little bit of German too, but I’m probably at an elementary level in it.

Language, like English, allows one to make sense of the world, and structure it.  Much like a religion/core value system does.  What it doesn’t always do is allow one to develop themselves (I can’t rewrite the rules of English to my amusement).  In Latin, and old roman cultures (based off of the grammar books I’ve been teaching myself from).  Women, and daughters were numbered, and that’s what their name was.  Secunda, sounds like a name right?  It means Second Daughter.  Kinda offensive I’d imagine.  You are just my second daughter, and thus I call you Daughter #2.

Latin, huh?  English may, or may not be better.  Same with German.  Helmut, is a German boy’s name, but it means helmet…, as in the head-ware.  My name Richard, comes from a pair of words “ric” meaning ruler, leader, king…etc., and “hard” meaning strong, brave, hardy…etc.  Now like most people, I didn’t choose my name, it was chosen for me.  And this is where I’m starting to get at my point.

We tie our identities to our names, “Hi, my name is Richard, or I’m Richard”, but our names don’t necessary reflect upon who we really are.  They kinda signify an object.  Like Secunda.  I am not the “Richard” if there ever was one, but I’m an instance of “Richard”.  And people make assumptions based upon our names, that were given/assigned to us.  Our object identifiers, and our handles.  Government bureaucracy, and the society built around it takes our identifiers, and makes it our “Identity”.  According to the U.S. Government I AM Richard.  I even have a nifty little number that applies solely to me, or it should…at least in theory.

Now getting into the aspect of forging an identity, I am Richard, but I am also Not Richard.  To make sense of this I’m going to have to jump to Sartre’s Authenticity.

In said concept, a person isn’t the role they are acting out in public, or even in private.  If I was a student yet, I fulfill the role of a student, but it is not who I truly am.  Who I am, is the identity behind the mask, the sense of Self that lives within said role, and makes it act.  The role is like a mask, and a persona….just like our names are until we make efforts to “Own them”.  My “Richardness” is a mask for my “I”.  And if all of this makes some sense, I’d say you’re on track to having an Identity.

An identity is formed by the values we consciously choose to accept, endorse, or be complacent with.  It is also formed by the values we strive against.  A person may take away my “Government Identity” of an issued number, and the like.  And yet it will have no effect on me, other than maybe making my external life more difficult.  Thus when an “identity is stolen” it is little more than a mask that is lost.  What a person can’t lose is their sense of value, and what they actually chose to value.

Now, to develop this more.  I grew up in a Christian/Humanist environment.  Thus those beliefs are sort of the foundational stones of my belief/value/ontology.  They used to be the load bearing stones, but I have since removed some of them.  Either so they could be updated, or because I didn’t agree with the system they fostered.

I’ve used the “language” of my foundation/upbringing (English, and Christian/Humanist Mindset).   Simply because I have no other one readily available to develop my own “value system” which I won’t explicitly lay out…at least not overly intentionally, there may be traces of it appearing here and there.  Although overall, I don’t see the point in telling someone , or acting like my “Value system” is superior to theirs…simply because I don’t know if it is.

Overall, this is what I mean when a person has no “Soul”, or “Identity” until they actively take time to make one, and joy be told.  It seems to be an active piece of life.  Everyone seems to do it as they grow older.  At least a little.

The Resurrection

As a public and personal reply to the Crucified Lord, I realize that Christianity is lauded as something that unites, and creates a community.  As does every other religion.  Not a big difference there.  Note; I don’t feel, or think I have a personal grievance against Christianity, and I can readily admit that in the past that it has done a lot of good things.  Safeguarding schools of learning during the dark ages, encouraging, and supporting the refinement of social mores.  These are good things that Christianity has done, and should remain the things that they focus on.  This notion that God would or wouldn’t support this, or just the plain obsession with God…, Deus.

This is what I find really peculiar about the way it’s bandied about, and it may just be my personal age (ignorance).  It just seems odd to resort to idolatry of a term which is what it seems like to me.  My personal understanding of faith, I feel is more nuanced than what I feel the stereotypical understanding (broad generalization here…, so apply discretion if needed).  I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the simplified concepts of tribalism that seems to resolve in religious communities.  To my perspective it should be a period of intellectual, and emotional development while under a safe space.  Not a cudgel to bandy about, or a “moniker” to adopt to fit in.  Why yes, I’m a good Christian….

There is so much more to this notion (Christianity), and having never fully made it through the narrative (I’m working on it) of Christ’s Life.  It seems to me that it’s sorely misunderstood.  Not just the Bible, but the a concept of what religion can be.  At it’s base, from my perspective, Religion is a belief about the World.  It is the ontology (intellectual/mental/philosophical foundation), or the ground upon which one sets their edifice in order to construct their worldview, and life.

Mathew 7:24-27 (King James Version)

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and if fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be linkened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.

( https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A24-27&version=KJV )

From this it should be possible to see, or understand that this is exactly what it says.  Christianity is a foundation of thinking…is it The foundation of thinking, no.  It is simply a way to make sense, and understand the world around oneself.

Going back further; Exodus 3:14 (King James Version)

And God said unto Moses, I Am That I Am: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I Am hath sent me unto you.

( https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+3%3A14&version=KJV )

To me, and at this time, the “I AM THAT I AM” (or “I AM WHO I AM”) seems to me a base realization that it is “I’ness” that founds, and sets that first stone in an ontology.  It is not “Richard, Bob, Susan, or Marley” that does it.  It is our own sense of “I’ness”.  The consciousness we have ourselves.  We have to think for ourselves, and with thinking for ourselves we have to build our own foundations.

Take for instance that we’re all born ignorant, and unaware of the world around us.  Our parents set up the basics of our foundation, and worldview.  Is it safe for us?  Is it going to provide for us?…etc.  We have an instinctual drive towards somethings, sure, but what I don’t know is if people always move beyond the security of their homes.  The security of their communities, and the security of their worldviews.  This is where I think Religion could excel, as pushing an individual out further, and further of their “comfort zone”.  Alas, Religions are institutions, and over time institution’s motives change according to the heads that change (which can be good).

Take for instance, a person who lives at their parent’s home their whole life (metaphor about adhering to one Doctrine/Ideology for one’s whole life).  Are they really living in accord with who they are, or who they could be?  An existentialist says, and implies that existence precedes essence.  With that simple expression, is a huge notion that in order to be considered an “individual”, or to actually have “essence” (a soul).  One doesn’t merely have to “Exist”, they have to actively strive to create it.

Thus I don’t think a person who’s going through the motions, and isn’t expressing themselves in any manner.  Even if said expression causes conflict with the almighty status quo.  Is an entity.  They are there, physically, but are they there “Spiritually”?  No.  For what are they, they are just a domesticated …thing, not an evolving, and growing being.

Look around society, and you see cultural trends, or groups of people who act in accord with each other.  A group identity, but do you really truly see individuals?  A person that is so exceptionally different that they stick out without effort?  Not because they always want to, but simply because they do.  Kierkegaard alluded to some of these thoughts with his Knight of Faith, and so did Nietzsche with his Ubermensch.

A person who loves their individuality, and their uniqueness fully?  All to the point where they’re willing to suffer any slings, and barbs that life throws at them?  Should a religion foster this mindset?  That we are all unique, and different?  And with that, a notion, that we’re all Human, all too human.  We run the entire spectrum of behaviors that we’re aware of because we’re only aware of what it means to be “Human”.  That it’s okay to be “different”, or one of “those”.  The “Other” in everyone else’s conception of what it means to be alive?  That until you know one, and their life…they are merely a stage character?

Or should religion be about safeguarding against fear?  I much prefer the notion that it’s meant to uplift, and revive the Human Spirit.  That it’s meant to foster reflection upon what it just means to be “Human”.  Humanity has a story, and every one of us has a chapter in that book.  Do you wish for yours to be unique?  It is already, but do you truly wish for a “stage presence” in someone’s life?  What does it take to be comfortable in one’s skin?  Over being afraid of the judgment from the “Other”.

I think it is fear of ourselves, and what we may potentially do.  There is freedom in our lives, freedom to kill, freedom to hate, freedom to wound…, but it is our choice whether we do so.  It is always our choice.  It’s okay to think, “What would Jesus do?”, or “What wouldn’t Jesus do?”…a bigger question is; “What would I do?”…, and “can I live with having done it”?  That is the harder set of questions.  To be responsible to oneself, and that is what considered being an adult is, is it not?